Christmas is coming...

So it's Christmas Eve tomorrow. It'll be fun, but we won't be with Maximus for a lot of the dat... and that makes me feel bad. Right now I still feel so in limbo that we don't quite enjoy the holidays like we should.

It reminds me a part from a movie I saw called "Garden State" with Zach Braff and Natlie Portman.

Andrew Largeman (Zach Braff): You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.


Sam (Natalie Portman): I still feel at home in my house.


Andrew Largeman (Zach Braff): You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day... one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.

I guess this is exactly why. I mean, my family life was in disarray for quite a while with my parents moving to Florida when I was still in school. Now, even though they are back, our lives are settled and we'll be moving closer to them soon I still feel like where we are now is "For the time being" so why bother decorating? You know? Especially for the holidays.

I'm one of those people who takes a lot of pride in what I put into stuff. Especially a house. So I know once we get a house I'll probably find joy in decorating and having family over etc... it's just that right now I sort of feel like it's not worth the effort. We're in too small of a place, it's temporary... I'll wait 'til next Christmas. Is that wrong?

I'm just waiting to create the "new idea" of it for myself. You know?

I guess if I had my own house that I grew up in to return to on the holidays it would feel like Christmas... but I don't. :( But as much as I wish I do, it's a house... I need to get over it *L*